You know the funniest part about being uncertain (for me) is wondering how horribly a situation can go in contrast to how amazing it can go. For instance, I kept wondering what I should do regarding this situation and really I just over thought everything. Life just isn’t as complicated as I sometimes make it out to be. And now looking back on it, I’m really glad I faced my “fears” (in some sense) because in the end I feel a lot more content rather than being just flat out confused.

Of course the situation could have taken a turn down the wrong path and I would be feeling very different right now, but… you know… sometimes life gives you strawberries and all you have to do is take all those lemons you got from before and make some delicious strawberry lemonade!

Okay, okay not too distant. This morning, as I was taking a shower (like I usually do) I began to sing (like I usually do); however this time the song was different. The lyrics weren’t in English and I had no idea how my brain started remembering every word of the song. The song I was singing was ‘Harana’.

It’s surprising because that day was actually a pretty embarrassing day for me. It was my ex’s 18th birthday and she had asked me to learn this song (Harana) to perform at her debutant. Of course I have no singer’s voice, I only love singing when I’m comfortable around the people I’m with and if the song is good enough. A lot of the time it’s just subconscious, if I know the song my brain outputs the lyrics. Anyways, that’s not the point.

As I was recalling the lyrics to Harana, I realized something that may be (in some way) useful to someone out there. So the question that pops up in my head is, did I love my ex? I had intense feelings for her and I was as passionate as I could have been throughout our relationship, so does that qualify as love? No, not at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I did in fact love her. It was the little things though, like willing to put myself out there for her just to make her day better. That’s the generalized statement. The example I’m referring to in this blog post was me willing to push aside the embarrassment of singing in front of forty or so people that I all knew (most as friends, some as her family) just to try to make her birthday more special than what was planned.

I’m not sure if I ever did succeed in making her 18th birthday more special than she had hoped, but honestly I can say without a doubt, I loved her and I would have never traded that time I had with her for anything else in the world. That’s not to say I haven’t moved on, because I believe I have. But aside from that, I’m just readying myself for whatever the future holds.

So future if you read this, I want you to know I’m waiting…

If you do decide to go see “A Christmas Carol,” then you had better brace yourself for those extremely frightening moments in the movie. No, I am not joking. Don’t think I am because I am dead serious. If you aren’t ready for it then you’re just going to ask yourself why you’re sitting in this theater you’ve chosen to see the movie in, watching this movie you’ve chosen to see.

That’s essentially how I spent my Thursday night, defecating in my chair from the horribly frightening moments of the new Disney movie, “A Christmas Carol.” As if that wasn’t bad enough, the pre-show entertainment consisted of a MC that was either drunk or has horribly messed up world views and a woman dressed like a prostitute that stood on stage to make the MC not look like a complete idiot.

“Wow Josh, way to be harsh on the Disney-hired host and hostess.”

Well all I can say is, you would believe me if you were there yourself. Maybe it was somewhere amongst the racist comments like “We’ve got Steve Urkel up on stage” when referring to the only black man on stage or when he implied that an Asian name like Jung-ji is not a ‘normal’ name or even when he referred to the blond Valley boy on stage as “Owen Wilson” whilst refusing to even remember any one of their names. At one point he even hit on one of the better looking white girls while she was walking back to her seat from the stage.

Honestly, I couldn’t just sit there and soak up this experience. It was seriously way too offensive for me, so I suppose my natural reaction was to also become offensive. I roomie-conned with Dennis last night and, as Dennis should recall, I really felt horrible about the way I acted. It was seriously douche-baggery at probably its finest (for me). But what could I have done, I seriously was just emotionally high on the experience (cheering and what not) and I didn’t want to come down from my cloud.

Anyways, I’m going to try and put that past me.

A Christmas Carol was an overall ‘OK’ movie. The CGI and animated effects (especially in 3-D) made the movie super-cool and amazing to watch, but at times it seemed like all Disney cared about were the visual effects and not so much about the story. This probably sounds confusing since it’s “A Christmas Carol”; the same “A Christmas Carol” we’ve all come to know and love throughout our childhoods, but seriously Disney left out the intelligence in the movie and decided to go down the David Blaine path. This movie was definitely not worth paying more than $7 for.

This might just be the very first day I’m starting to feel homesick.

I’ve been talking to old friends lately and this past weekend could be considered the high point, in the sense that it was the one time when I felt like I talked to a lot of people all at once. It probably also has to do with the weather and how every Sunday here at UCLA seems to be so incredibly beautiful, a lot like how my weekends were back at home.

But, you know, it’s not like I’m even far from home. If I wanted to, I could just take a short drive back to Glendale; however, I don’t think this has anything to do with the distance. I don’t really want to go home as much as I want to go back to Glendale and live a more-free life with my old buddies.

You know how it is, back in the days of being a child in your hometown spending time with your friends. Things were so less complicated back then (well, except for having to gain parental permission), but you know those were the good times. Well, of course I’m having great times here at school too but I feel like this is a crossroad in my life. I’ve got to figure out many things and quickly otherwise I’m going to be left in the dust. Of course, I could just be feeling very confused and it doesn’t help that I feel like I’m stalled while I watch other people around me starting to get to where they want to be. Growing up sucks.

I just positively hate that feeling of waking up late. I woke up this morning at 11 am, which is pretty much the latest I’ve woken up in a very, very long time. See, the thing about me is that being a future engineer makes me want to find the most efficient way to do something like completing a task, or in this case, getting the most out of my days. Getting up at 11 am and sleeping at my usual 1 am to 2 am bedtime means I will only be getting about 14-15 hours of daytime/night-time instead of the usual 16-18 hours that I absolutely love getting. Though I must admit that those long days sort of lead to these inefficient days.

That’s all I really wanted to say, or at least what I wanted to write here. I hope everyone has a happy November 1st!