Memories of a Distant Past
Okay, okay not too distant. This morning, as I was taking a shower (like I usually do) I began to sing (like I usually do); however this time the song was different. The lyrics weren’t in English and I had no idea how my brain started remembering every word of the song. The song I was singing was ‘Harana’.
It’s surprising because that day was actually a pretty embarrassing day for me. It was my ex’s 18th birthday and she had asked me to learn this song (Harana) to perform at her debutant. Of course I have no singer’s voice, I only love singing when I’m comfortable around the people I’m with and if the song is good enough. A lot of the time it’s just subconscious, if I know the song my brain outputs the lyrics. Anyways, that’s not the point.
As I was recalling the lyrics to Harana, I realized something that may be (in some way) useful to someone out there. So the question that pops up in my head is, did I love my ex? I had intense feelings for her and I was as passionate as I could have been throughout our relationship, so does that qualify as love? No, not at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I did in fact love her. It was the little things though, like willing to put myself out there for her just to make her day better. That’s the generalized statement. The example I’m referring to in this blog post was me willing to push aside the embarrassment of singing in front of forty or so people that I all knew (most as friends, some as her family) just to try to make her birthday more special than what was planned.
I’m not sure if I ever did succeed in making her 18th birthday more special than she had hoped, but honestly I can say without a doubt, I loved her and I would have never traded that time I had with her for anything else in the world. That’s not to say I haven’t moved on, because I believe I have. But aside from that, I’m just readying myself for whatever the future holds.
So future if you read this, I want you to know I’m waiting…
Filed under: Life | 5 Comments
Hey dog. I like your blog but I gotta disagree with this one. I know what you saying with all this love stuff but I don’t think you are over this chick. I mean you’re telling me you are over her but remembering a song triggered all these emotions. I think you may be lying to yourself on this one.
I went through a similar thing with my ex. I had a song that would always make me sad and think when it was played, and I wasn’t over her at that point. It’s only when you can think of the song and it’s just a song again when you are ACTUALLY over her. Until then, you are not… I mean the lyric made you think of the song, think of her birthday, think of your feelings for her, and write this post. Sounds like you got a long way to go. Good luck bud!
KW
Sorry Kevin,
Your point is understandable since that’s really what the common thought is regarding “getting over someone”. Sure remembering the song made me reflect on her birthday and my feelings for her over the course of our relationship but I gotta let you know that this was purely reflective. It was like I was watching that event happen in my mind from a third person view. I mean, honestly, not many people can truly block out all the memories they’ve had with their ex’s, but instead of getting these feelings back again it was more like I was wondering if I truly loved her since at the end of our relationship she blamed me saying that I had already not loved her, which I didn’t believe to be true. All I had to do this morning was make sure I was right.
Essentially I’m telling you that I respect your opinion, but I gotta stick with what I said just because of how this morning’s experience went for me and how it did not affect any part of my day. Anyways, I’m curious as to how you stumbled upon my blog? Do you normally visit or are you friends with my ex? You know, since you’re from Stanford and all that.
Hey dog thanks for your response. Your ex goes to Stanford? You gotta be bullshitting!!!!!!!!!! I am a freshman this year. Do you know Stanford at all? I stumbled across your blog because I saw you had some pictures and recaps of Stanford basketball games last year and I was coming to Stanford…or rather tags in your blog. I just got to Stanford this year though. I just check it every now and then, sorry to weird you out, just had to post this one cause I’ve gone through the same shit. Wasn’t trying ot call you out though. How did you know I was from here, kinda creepy lol. Man this is weird! What’s your ex’s name? I mean if you don’t mind sharing…
KW
oh dude that’s cool. yeah my bad, I’ve just been a little paranoid since I haven’t talked to her in a long time and the first thing I see from Stanford is you so I didn’t know what to think. anyways she’s a sophomore and lives in the dorms, though I forgot which dorm. I’m not sure if she’d be comfortable with me telling a stranger about her especially since you could theoretically run into her. how do you like Stanford?
Yeah I know what you mean completely. Stanford’s good, it’s a lot of hard work. I actually am super swamped today so I should get going on work. It was nice talking to you about this though and keep up the good blog! Cover some more Stanford basketball!
KW